Essence

I finally have a good start to my first animation.

I have been wanting to do an animation for some time. Unfortunately, like with many of my aspirations, it was put on the back burner. I began talking about it more regularly again a couple months ago — brainstorming, conceptualizing. I had ideas for certain elements, but I wasn’t sure how to start the story.

It came to me last night while I was at a bar with some friends in Chicago. I was sitting by myself as I was really tired and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I pulled out my moleskine, and with pen in hand, it began.

I’m pretty excited about it. I’m not ready to reveal any details other than this: it will be 2D. I feel that this particular perspective will be best for capturing the essence of this piece.

Stay tuned. The future begins…

Now. (Baloop!)

My sin is Envy. Envy, jade green with desire, she teases me. Like lust for the flesh, I crave that which I can not have. To hide from her allure, I have cloaked myself with disappointment and despair. Sacrificing my passions on an alter of flames, I rend my soul in a frail attempt to satiate her appetite for my misery.

One step closer.

Things seem different. Envy’s allure is less seductive, and I begin to empathize with her. Her once coy looks are now more indifferent. I find myself less guarded. Surely this is one of her ploys; but I can’t resist.

Two steps closer.

Her beauty is striking, but she seems insecure. Her once devilish charm has been replaced with a countenance of sorrow. Where I once saw a shade, I now see a woman. A hint of emotion in her eyes ignites a revelation in me — she’s my antecedent!

Within arms reach.

She breaks. Her once enchanting eyes have been replaced by streams of resignation and remorse. Her voice breaks as she tells me her story.

As a child she lived in reverie. Desiring a life driven by her passions, she cared not what this world demanded of her. She knew not failure nor envy, for she saw all failures as a test of endurance, envy as the plunderer of dreams.

But as she grew into a woman she put aside her childish ways — including that of her child-like wonder. Where she once embraced diligence, she rested in the arms of enervation. Where she once was fueled by passion, she was extinguished by apathy. Where she once immersed herself in hope, she bathed in the recessions of despair.

She sobs.

Why then entice me with such a sad, desolate life?

She whispers. I have what she could have had: potential. If she could lure me into her trap, if she could make me like her, she could find solace in my then dismal existence. Despondent, she sold her soul to the Great Void to become the very thing she abhorred — Envy.

I think I get it now. I weep for her…

As I begin to walk away, I reflect on her sad, but inspiring, story. I hear something. As I look over my should, there she is, laughing. She looks up, her eyes enchanting once again, but this time she gives me a warm smile. I truly get it now.

Envy is not my sin. Envy is my impetus for transcendence. She is my warden. It is through her persistent conflict that I am taught courage, perseverance, diligence. It is because of her that my passions are defined.

I know not envy.

Beyond Belief

I’m almost done with, “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins, and I must say, I can’t put it down.

I’ve been questioning my beliefs a lot over the past few years. This year I began listening to a Buddhist podcast on Zen, and recently, my faith in Christianity. I went through this about a year ago but regressed to Christianity out of comfort. Here I am again, only this time I’m finding my belief in the Christian God waning.

To summarize my beliefs: I think there could be a God, I just don’t know who the fuck He is. I believe in evolution, and I’m living my life as if it’s the only one I have. Like my friend Patrick said, life is too short to waste mental power on an afterlife. If there is an afterlife, I’ll be pleasantly surprised providing that the God of the Bible is not real, and I don’t find myself in Hell.

Consequence

A side effect of my waning belief in the Christian God is a waxing awareness of the present. I feel more alive — lucky to belief alive that is. This enhanced awareness of the present has affected me in both big and little ways, from a newfound drive to what I want to do with my life, to an acuteness of the senses when I’m on my motorcycle.

An additional consequence is a greater desire for time management. Life is too short. I don’t have time to fuck around. Thus, things have got to go. I’m reminded of a blog post by the lovely Gwen Bell titled, “If You Can’t Pitch It, Ditch It“. Gwen describes a man she met that lived life by a stopwatch in order manage his time. It sounds extreme, but I get it now: life is too short to fuck around. A stopwatch was this man’s way of making efficient use of his time. This man would even evaluate his friendships, and call them off if they weren’t beneficial. While that may a bit harsh for my tastes, the point is that I need to make efficient use of my time.

Once I’ve finished “The God Delusion”, I’m going to read it through a second time and take notes. With these notes, I’ll post my thoughts as well as a full review on the book.

Intro
Cameron Crowe fans will understand the wording of the title of this post. I’m placing bets that Luke will get it first. Thank you, Luke, for keeping the dream alive.


Wednesday
Last Wednesday evening I took off with Jason for Naperville. What’s in Naperville you ask? His wedding. We had great conversation on the way up. He told me he loved me, I told him that I was sorry, but I just didn’t feel that way; he said he was marrying Jill to cover up his feeling for me, and then called Jill, “David” one evening at her parent’s house (that last bit is true).

We discussed the current state of affairs in the Christian world, agreeing that a Christian subculture should not exist. I mentioned additional grievances I had against the modern day church, further cementing my argument as to why I do not go. We made rather good time in our travel, though we would have made even better time if it was not due to a detour. iPhone (yes, iPhone, not “My iPhone.” iPhone is an entity. Do NOT piss iPhone off) helped us out and was a great companion for this trip.

We get up to Jill’s parent’s house where I am introduced to her mother and father, two of the kindest and most hospitable people that I have ever met. They allowed Jason and I to stay in their basement for two nights, which saved us money as we didn’t have to get a hotel room. Wednesday was a relaxed day of meeting Jill’s family and getting to know them.


Thursday
Jason and I get up at 9 AM. We have some coffee, and Jason proceeds to jump rope. Jill’s father and I discuss cycling in which he further piques my interest in the sport. Jason and I then leave for Starbucks as we needed a place with Wi-Fi.

We get to Starbucks, I order a skim latte, or a non-fat latte as they call it, and we have a seat. Sure enough, they have Wi-Fi. Sure enough, it’s AT&T only, and not T-Mobile. T-Mobile said that they had made an agreement with AT&T to grandfather in current T-Mobile customers, however I could not log on at all. One of the employees was kind enough to call around to find us a Starbucks that still had T-Mobile, and after doing some offline work, we head to another Starbucks.

Ah! Internet at last… at least for Jason. Only one person can be signed in at a time under a given account. If I had a crossover cable on me, I could have logged in on one computer and shared the connection via the crossover cable. Alas, I did not have one. I really didn’t need it as I could check my email on my phone, so I cranked away on a site that Brett and I have been working on.


The Rehearsal
Jason leaves, goes out to his car to make a phone call, and a while later come dashing in saying, “I lost track of the time. We have to go!” We zip off to Jill’s parent’s where I learn that the rehearsal is a dress rehearsal. I had absolutely no idea. All that I have are the t-shirt and jeans that I am wearing. I really don’t mind being the odd man out, though. I see it as an opportunity to be a trailblazer, a trendsetter, or at least that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better.

As it turns out, Jill’s father is about the same size as me, and finds clothes for me in no time. The day is saved! I ride over to the rehearsal with Jill’s father, mother, and friend Joanna. We have a quick rehearsal that Jason’s brother, mother, and crew are an hour late to due to a misunderstanding, and off we go for dinner.


Dinner
We pull up to a country themed restaurant where we sit in a secluded room, enjoying each others company. I couldn’t have anything on the menu due to my diet, so at the request of John and Cole, I ordered a dish for them to share. It was a lovely time, and I greatly thank Jason’s father for the occasion.

Finally we head back to Jill’s parents. This time I rode with Jason and Jill. I had brought a cooler of food with me that I prepared so that I could stick to my conditioning diet, and fortunately had left it in the car. I quelled my hunger by munching on some food as Jill and Jason made a quick stop at a nearby Wal-Mart. We get back to the house where Jason and I workout before bed.

And there was peace and rest on the second day.


Friday
The big day. Jason and I get up and begin looking for a hair salon so that we can get last minute hair cuts. We get a bit lost, but finally come upon two salons. One was too expensive and the other was closed. We decide on a salon titled, “The Ginger Root.” We set an appointment, jet over to the hotel that Jason’s family was staying at, pickup John, and head back to the salon. Two very nice women cut our hair, though I just got mine trimmed as I am growing it out. We drop John off and head to the church, quickly getting dressed only to find that Rock’s tux is way too big. However, Jill’s mom can sew and her and another lady save the day.


An Old Friend
In the dressing room, a long-time friend of my parents walks in and says, “Which one of you is Fendley.” I look at him, and say, “Fendley?” He responds, “Are your mother and father Dennis and Linda?” I say, “Yes,” and he proceeds to ask me if I remember him. I sure do. I grew up in the church that he and his wife are still pastors of to this day. In fact, My dad used to teach there.

He says, “Where do you go to church?” I tell him that I do not go to church. “Could I talk you into coming back?” he says. I told him that I am a big fan of George Barna’s, “Revolution,” and that I read through it quickly. He made a comment that Barna was a bit out there and asked if I believe it 100%, to which I replied that I do. He told me that he was going to try to get me to come back. I told him that he is more than welcome to try.

He asks what I’ve been doing and I tell him that I own a company currently doing film and web development. He said that he’s been interested in hiring a company to do high-quality, professional video on occasion, and would love to talk sometime. I give him my cards, but little does he know that my benefactor, and long-time friend, co-founded his church, and was driven from it for political reasons in years past. We all head out to take pictures, some serious, some fun, and head back inside for the wedding.


The Wedding
The wedding was short, sweet, and beautiful — perfect. Jason’s brother John cried a bit when it came to the vows, which were quite lovely. Jason and Jill escape in their limo, returning later to take their photos together. I meet up with the absolutely amazing Brian, where we chat about various topics, especially our shoes. I had these awesome black and turquoise shoes on that Jason and Jill had so kindly bought for all of the groomsmen.


The Reception
The reception was wonderful. I got to see some old friends, we took some more pictures, and the building we were in overlooked the Fox River. We had champagne, wine, toasts, and an open bar that I sadly couldn’t indulge in due to my conditioning project. I had the best salmon of my life with asparagus and rice. No really, it was the best salmon I’ve ever had — absolutely amazing. Perfect. I counted the day off as an indulgence day and had some cake which is absolutely forbidden from my diet, but the slices were thankfully thin. After some dancing, Josh and I took off and met Jason at his hotel to transfer some of his belongings out of his car as I would be driving it back to Champaign.


The Journey Home
After getting a bit lost, and Josh and I’s two and a half hour drive turning into a four hour drive (which would have been longer if it was not for the sincerity of a man at Dunkin’ Donuts), we finally made it home.

In reflection, I had a great time. I thank Jason, Jill, the parents, and all those involved for letting me be a part of it. May God bless and protect Jason and Jill in their travels; may they have an eternity filled with joy and happiness.

Heather Salm and Micah Boyce were married yesterday. I must say, it was one of the coolest wedding I have ever been to. Not only was it imbued with joy and happiness, but it featured such incredible music. Never have I seen so many talented musicians perform in a single wedding. I truly wish the best for Heather and Micah.

On a more humorous note, Luke gave the funniest speech that I’ve ever heard at a wedding. You really have to hear it for yourself to fully appreciate it. That man can write… and I’m jealous! I really need to write more. I truly am my own worst enemy.

I got to hang out with my hopefully-future-roommate, Matt, at the wedding. That man is 110% awesome and then some. I’ve been scoping for apartments as I think it will be much easier if my roommates and I all move out at the same time, otherwise there’s issues with the deposit that I’d rather not deal with. I’m hoping we can check some apartments out very soon — maybe this week.

I have a meeting with Josh tomorrow at 6:15 AM! I’m using him as my alarm clock so that I can get my body back on a sleep schedule. We’re going to go over a web site concept that he has been working on, and I’m going to apprentice him in the art of web design and development. He definitely has the mind for it, and I really hope he sticks with it.

I love Sam Yergler — I really do. Lately he has really been an inspiration and encouragement to me, let alone a source of some of the funniest stories I have ever heard. He is so easy to talk to and so understanding as well. I have never felt judged by him. I think we all could learn a lesson in selflessness and encouragement from him, and I hope that we remain friends for the rest of our lives.

This week is a week of finishing up projects. With the company restructure hopefully getting full approval this week, I’m hoping to be in a position to contract and hire more freelancers so that I can begin to focus on animation — more specifically writing our first animation. I have a concept that I am very excited about, and I can’t wait to reveal it in due time.

Alas, I must go and do my daily workout for The PCP. I’ve made a lot of progress, and I’m becoming more and more excited as I see the results. By all means, please feel free to offer words of encouragement! I sure could use them as it’s only going to get harder.